So much to do, so much to say!

Ok, so it has been a while since our last blog update, and for those of you following us on facebook.com also, you might be a little more up to date on what has been going on.  From here on out, I am going to try (and Chelsea says she is too) to just write a little blurb each day about an experience.  The trouble right now is that so very much has happened in this last week that it is hard to sum it up into something shorter than a Stephen King novel (I am about to finish “The Dark Half” and I can honestly say now I think I do not care for Stephen King!

First of all, let me start out by having you all watch this video.

White Rhino Porn was shot using only actors that were above the age of 18. If you are not of the legal limit to watch such
 things as White Rhino Porn, you need to proceed to the following site. www.disney.com

The above video was filmed in Chiang Mai.  We got to have some many crazy animal adventures there, it was really fun. 

          Anyways, after we were in Chiang Mai / Chiang Rai for a couple weeks, we headed to a small hippie town in the Mountains named Pai.  We hung out for a few days and did nothing except listen to Thai bands, take yoga classes with a crazy yoga teacher, and hang around a bunch of hippie European’s.  Kind of cool, mostly annoying.  Don’t get me wrong, Pai was great!  The vibe of all the white people is what was obnoxious to me.

         The drive too and from Pai was horrible.  It was like a ride along with the Blue Angels.  Switchbacks the whole way, with a crazy Thai mini bus driver taking these turns so fast I swear we were pulling multiple G’s.  On the way there, me and Chelsea both got sick.  On the way back, Chelsea was already puking all over, so we overdosed on a bunch of motion sickness medicine and were knocked out the whole ride back (4 hrs.)

        Then, for several days we got sick.  Stomach flu, then fever.  Being sick in Thailand really sucks.  Chelsea got it first, on the night we were supposed to go to the Ping Pong bar with our Thai friends.  Hah, she got sick and was puking, I tucked her in and said “I’m off to Ping Pong” and made the popping noise with my mouth.  She really wanted to go. 

        Lets just say there were some very interesting tricks involving balloons, darts, coke bottles and cigarettes.  No actual ping pong balls.  I’ll let your imagination do the rest for you.  The awkward part for me was hanging around the club in general.  Our Thai friends paid to have all the dancer girls come “sit” with us.  Essentially, they pour your drinks for you, laugh at everything you say, allow themselves to be groped, and try to make the big sale to you.  I felt like I was giving the girl that sat with me a break – I poured her a shot of whiskey, and she sat next to me (not on my lap).  I spoke my four Thai phrases to her and she smiled, then left and went and talked to my friend Bly.  “Your American friend is awkward, and scared of me” she complained.  I agreed with her one hundred percent. 

        Of course when you go to a club like “Star 6” with your six crazy Thai buddies and drink a good share of 100 Pipers Whiskey, trouble is bound to happen. 

        I just took a shot with Bly, Teen, Red and Jack when the girl that was ‘sitting’ with me grabbed me from behind by my scarf and pulled me up onto the stage.  Everyone is laughing.  Evil Woman starts playing in the background, as my Thai friends help the girls tie me to the floor spread eagle.  I am pretty nervous, and my nerves manifested themselves as laughter.  I was cracking up.  What the hell was going to happen?

        Well, four Thai strippers did a choreographed dance all around me.  It involved all sorts of ridiculous things, all incredibly funny, all at my expense.  It started with a girl pretending to grind her high heel into my crotch, and ended up with them pulling up my shirt and whipping me with some sort of thing!  Embarrassing, but knowing showbiz I gotta say that it was quite the show.  The girls thanked me and bought me drinks (hah!) they were actually really nice about it.  Bly, Red, Jack and Teen – if you are reading this, thank you for giving me one of the weirdest experiences in my life.  That night when I was at a hooker bar in Bangkok, tied spread eagle to the floor, being whipped by a girl in leopard underwear as a bunch of unattractive old men laugh at me and the girls cheer.  Chelsea really wishes she was not sick and could have been there also!

        After Chelsea got better, I got immediately sick for two days.  Fever, stomach flu.  This caused us to overstay our VISA by four days (we would rather be sick in Thailand than in Laos) but eventually we got up north to the border and took the boat to Laos.  On the Thai side of the border there were signs all over the place that said if you do not go through customs and get your stuff checked, you could go to jail for several years and have a big fine.  So we went to customs, and there was not a single person in the whole building.  Great.  Thailand has been full of these self contradicting experiences.  What do you do?  In America maybe you would wait and try to get ahold of someone, but when your boat is leaving and nobody understands English you just get on the boat anyways.  Turns out customs on the Laos side did not really give a shit either.  It was interesting to cross this border, and then think about Texas where they build an actual wall/fence and give some dudes some really big guns and tell them to guard it.  “Guard the border bro, gotta watch out for those hard working Mexicans.  No hardworkers getting’ in here!”  That’s all I will say on that…

        We hung out in an unremarkable border town called Huay Xiay for a few days, then caught the slow boat to Luang Prabang, where we are residing now.  The boat trip was amazing.  Two entire days floating down the Mekong River, beautiful scenery.  Essentially, I was on the “Slow Boat FROM China”, someone got the old song title mixed up.  The seats were pretty uncomfortable, but we could get up and walk around the little boat.  Not much, but enough to stretch out our legs.  We also got to know a bunch of other travelers!  Tim and Lisa from the UK were great (we drank a lot of SangSom whiskey with them) and Joel from Eugene.  That’s right, we found another American in Asia.  Wow.
Those are the boats to the left!  And it is kind of hard to get the effect by looking at the picture below, but we were winding through some serious jungle, with the occasional little village here and there, herds of water buffalo, and giant rock formations sticking up out of the middle of the river.  It is the dry season, so the water level was really low.
        Now we are in Luang Prabang, and we will hang here for a few more days and figure out where we want to go in Laos.  They have really nice stuff here, we want to buy it all up.  Tons of silk, and the most outstanding fabrics and tapestries I have ever seen.  Unfortunately they are large and heavy, too heavy for my backpack!  I am debating spending a hundred bucks to be able to ship 10 Kilo’s back to the USA….


Cheers,

Mack